Friday, 27 February 2015

Inches






WHEN I WAS a kid I used to sit on the edge of my bed and imagine my room was separating from the rest of the house by a few inches every night. I was desperate and happy to try anything and I hoped that by the time I reached 18 it would be in a different neighbourhood and not just sat like a very awkward shed at the end of our garden.



It's still there. The house. The room. I'm not, I escaped eventually but by a more traditional method.

But if you look carefully there's a tiny crack in the wall where my bed used to be and a part of me thinks that maybe I would have got there eventually if had tried hard enough, so maybe it's my fault what he did.






                                                                                      



                                                                                  @ Ally Atherton 2015







136 words for #FridayFlash



                                       
                                                                                 


Posted by at

13 comments:

  1. Cat Russell27 February 2015 at 03:41

    Whoa, that last sentence was chilling. I'm afraid to wonder what he did.

    Very well written! Welcome to Friday Flash!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ally 27 February 2015 at 03:58

    Thank You :) Friday Flash looks great.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Donald Conrad27 February 2015 at 05:18

    Wow, that last line is a gut-punch.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Steve Green27 February 2015 at 06:31

    The whole piece is in itself quite chilling, and excellently done in such a low word count.

    I do shudder to think what they had suffered in their childhood too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ally 27 February 2015 at 23:54

      Thankyou Steve :)

      Delete
    2. Steve Green1 March 2015 at 05:08

      Hi again Ally. The impact of this story inspired me to write something on a similar theme, which I have entitled "Widening the gap". And if you have no objection I shall be posting it for next week's Friday flash.
      I hope you don't mind me taking your concept and putting my own stamp to it. I shall of course accredit the original idea, and my inspiration to your own story.
      Welcome to Friday flash. :)

      Delete
  5. Tim VanSant Writes27 February 2015 at 08:44

    Yikes! I didn't expect that ending.

    Welcome to Friday Flash.

    ReplyDelete
  6. D. Paul Angel27 February 2015 at 22:24

    A very nicely done twist. Many an undercurrent there.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Chuck Allen28 February 2015 at 06:52

    Nice one, Ally! I liked the feeling of "moving on" until you crushed it with that ending. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Unknown6 March 2015 at 08:19

    Nice twist in the story. The build up worked well too.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Katherine Hajer8 March 2015 at 08:15

    That's a lot crammed into 136 words -- like the narrator let out a little more than they intended.

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)