Monday, 11 May 2015

Y is for YOUR FACE

So what does your face say about you and how much does your face affect the way other see you?

I really think a face can make a big difference in the way people are treated and that's pretty scary considering the fact that we have no control over it. It's genetic. So what kind of face do you have and how has it affected your life?

Personally I have a sneaky feeling that I have one of life's slappable faces. It's not the best face to have and it's nothing to boast about but it's just a conclusion I have come to. It comes from having 44 years of experience living on this small rock, smack bang in the middle of our solar system. I think I have one of those faces that screams out

Slap me

Laugh at Me

Go ahead, poke me, take the piss out of me as much as you want.

I am older now and balder and wrinklier than I used to be but basically I think I have the same Slap Me face that I have owned ever since I was a 6 year old. I have had to fight my corner for a long time but I think I have ample evidence that points to the fact that I have that face that people want to take the piss out of.

But there are other kinds of faces. Only a few hours ago I was out walking our Dog with my wife and we saw something that we both automatically pointed out and it started me thinking all about faces. We saw a women with a crying face.

Now what is a crying face?

Well I'll try to explain. A certain percentage of unfortunate people have a face that looks like they are about to burst into tears at the drop of a hat and most of them look like they are crying when they are talking or even laughing. It's a remarkable face really and it you look carefully the next time you are out in public I'm sure it won't take you long to find one. They pretty much stick out like a sore thumb. I don't have a crying face. I don't think I do anyway but maybe you have one? Nobody tells you what kind of face you have but it's one of those things you can work out for yourself.

Or you could have one of the other faces. You may have a pissed off face.

I feel sorry for pissed off faced people. They can't help it ( just like I can't help having a slappable face), but they have one and there's not a lot they can do about it. It's just that their normal, relaxed face, looks pissed off all the time. This kind of face is usually long but I have also seen small ones. They come in all shapes and sizes but I'm sure they are the type of people that  get asked all the time questions like

'What's up with you?'

'You okay?'

or they get the old nutshell

'Cheer up, it hasn't happened yet.'

The funny thing is they are usually not pissed off at all. They just have a naturally pissed off face. Poor bastards.

So if you get asked those questions a lot, the chances are that you have a pissed off face.

But the list is endless. There are smiley faces. Startled faces. Jack the Lad faces. Mean faces. Soft faces. Baby faces. Serious faces. Worried faces. To some extent we can all control our faces but most of the time we can't. We have no control over our resting face. Whether your resting face is a Slap Me face or a crying face like the girl we walked past earlier.

But one thing I'm certain of is that our faces probably have a big impact on the way we are treated and on how successful we are and maybe also on our chosen career pathway. When was the last time you saw a politician with a Slap Me face or a school teacher with a mean face? Or a vicar with a Jack the Lad face? So the next time you feel like a round peg in a square hole think about this for a moment?

Does your face literally not fit?

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

X Marks the Spot

Wouldn't it be great if we had a treasure map for our lives with a big X marking the spot?

Just like the birds seem to need a big X in my back yard so that they will eventually find the food I have provided for them! Yep they still haven't come anywhere near apart from one bird yesterday that was scared off by next door's cat. Maybe that's the problem. Next door's cat. She's hungry and cold half of the time. I am sure the poor thing isn't getting fed properly.

Okay back to the X. For the last few years I have felt lost. Completely lost. I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard stone. It's not a nice place to be. It's a lonely place, even though I have a supportive wife who doesn't really hassle me. I have the choice of either going back into nursing or staying hopelessly under employed. I have been trying to avoid going back into nursing but I don't seem to have a choice. Nobody wants to employ a guy in his 40's. It's either nursing or nothing, I can't really see an alternative. But I bloody hated it. I always felt like a square peg in a round hole but I can't see any way out. Nobody is placing a big X anywhere else. I have had a few opportunities over the last few months but they have all ended unceremoniously. So do I stay unemployed and miserable or go back into nursing and be miserable? Fucking great choice.

I took a leap of faith by getting out for the sake of my health and my sanity but it has backfired. I don't know how many people have ever been in the same position as me but it's horrible. Searching for a way out. I'm trying to work out whether to turn left or right but I'm going around in circles.

I think I've found the X but it's not where I want it to be. I want somebody from up high to move it somewhere else. So I can be happy. I want to be a round peg in a round hole.

Monday, 4 May 2015

W is for Who shot all the birds?

So come on hands Up. Who shot all the birds?

We live on a busy town road and I've been trying to attract birds into our back yard. We have our fair share of countryside around our town but essentially we live in an urban town where the only wildlife tends to wear short skirts, red lipstick and leggings. Our yard is tiny and so any prospective birds are going to have to put up with a makeshift bird table ( an outdoor shelving unit that I rescued from a skip), a bird feeder filled with seeds, some bread crumbs and a bowl of water. But I kid you not, I have not seen one bird anywhere near my 2 star bird cafe! In fact I think there are less birds now than there were to begin with!

Okay it's only been a few days so maybe I will get some eventually. I have read that it can take a few days or weeks to get birds to feed in a garden. But I am guessing that the main road at the front of the house is a stumbling block. So today I am waiting and waiting. I saw a few starlings nibbling on the ground in the back alley a few hours ago but my bird cafe is being ignored. What are they waiting for? Caviar? Worm soup?

But I'll hang in there. I will change the bread crumbs every day and wait for them to bite. Rome wasn't built in a day and I'd be happy with a pigeon. Anything is better than nothing.