I believe they call this a Bodjie hole but I can’t remember who told me.
It’s just one of those things I know now. Like I know gravity keeps us all clinging on to the edge of the Earth and how I know that a Samba is a type of dance and not something you spread on your toast. My knees hurt. My back aches. I am so uncomfortable it feels like I have been taken to pieces and put together again like Lego. One of my teeth is hurting but that’s something I brought with me along with this bloody cold. My nose is dripping, my ears are ringing and I can see everything that ever happened to me in my life all at once.
Apparently every galaxy has its own Bodjie hole and I just happened to have fallen into one on a train bound for Bolton. I’ve been here a long time. One, two years, ten years? I’ve lost count, I just know it’s fucking hard to get out of one when you’re in one.
I am currently me in so many ways my head is splitting and I feel like I am about to spontaneously combust. At the same time I am experiencing my first day at school, attending an interview for Starbucks and having my first wet dream. I am also getting beaten to smithereens at the back of a pub in Skemersdale whilst sucking on a raspberry gobstopper in a photo booth in ASDA in 1984. It’s pretty tasty as far as gobstoppers go but having my face smashed in at the same time kind of ruins the mood.
I think I’ve grown a beard but I can’t feel my face. I catch glimpses of myself in between me episodes. The bits I see of myself are horrible. I look all limp and thin like a scarecrow. I haven’t eaten although I am always eating every meal I have ever eaten. It’s kind of weird and I never know if I am hungry or about to burst.
How long can the human body survive without food? Surely I should be dead by now.
But that is in the real world, now I am living in a Bodjie hole. Maybe time doesn’t exist in here or perhaps every second is happening on top of every other second.
I don’t know whether to cry, sneeze or have a wank but the only thing I want is a fucking tissue so I can blow my nose.
A few moments ago I caught a glimpse of my fingernails. They are disgustingly long and curled up like little universes. I think I soiled myself again too.
My mum and dad will be distraught, I love them so much. I really have to find a way of getting out of here but I’m not sure what I have to do. Sometimes I think I have it all figured out and then I find myself confused and lost like I’ve got a hole in my head and I have to start all over again.
I am angry too. You see it was no accident, what with me finding myself in here like this.
Some bastard pushed me in or pulled me in. I’m not sure which. But that’s something to do with how I’m supposed to get out.
Fucking hell my tooth hurts. I think I’m dying. I am shaving. I am picking my nose. I just got the job.
Copyright Ally Atherton 2012