Friday, 30 May 2014
Rules and Regulations
'Anyone breaking these rules will be loved and forgiven in the usual manner.'
From part of a sign in a shop in York, UK
Artwork by Rene Pleinair 2013
If you happen to find yourself deceased there are certain terms and conditions that you must follow in order to maintain harmony with those around you.
Never annoy your fellow Cemeterians.
Only talk when you are spoken to and don't waffle. The deceased don't like wafflers.
Don't hum. Humming is annoying.
Don't sing. Singing is even more annoying, even on Bank Holidays.
Don't talk about politics. Politics is not only irrelevant but it's also a very dirty word in cemeteries.
Don't moan about the size of your headstone. Size isn't everything and nobody likes a moaner.
If you decide to stretch you legs, do it at night so no nobody can see you. Dead people aren't supposed to be walking around and you might give somebody a heart attack.
And finally. Cemetery boundaries are there for a reason. Don't even think about climbing over that wall or that fence or making a dash for it through the woods. You are dead. You're meant to be here and those boundaries are there for your own protection.
Try it. Go on I dare you.
You won't come back. Nobody ever does. Cross that line and
you're really dead. Double dead.
(C) Ally Atherton 2014
This was written for the Light and Shade Challenge. A wonderful new writing challenge for anybody who loves writing, whether you're established or a relative beginner. Go on. Give it ago. It's a great way to meet some lovely people too, from all over the world.