Friday, 7 March 2014
Crusoe and Bob
To whoever finds this letter
please thank the pigeon
I'm stuck on an island
fuck knows where, please send help
I got your letter,
I gave the pigeon some bread and sent you a tuna sandwich
can you describe where you are?
Thanks for the sandwich
all I can see is sand and sea, a few trees and the remains of the aeroplane
where it crashed
That's not much help, I need some directions
A crash? Fuck
Are you badly injured? What happened to the other passengers?
I'm feeling amazingly well, considering
sorry to say the other passengers are all dead now
just me and the pigeon
Bloody hell old chap how long have you been out there?
Here's a pencil and some more paper so you can draw the island
maybe we can work out where it is.
I've lost track of days, I think it's been a few months,
You should see my motherfucking beard,
Here's my drawing
Thanks for the drawing
I'll see if anyone recognises it,
but one small thing, what are those black things on the beach?
Oh the black things?
Those are the rest of them from the plane. Well what's left of them
just bones, I can't eat the fucking bones as well
Are you saying you ate them?
What are you, an animal?
Who would do such a thing? Seriously man.
Calm down you prick
Most of them were already dead, I only shot a few.
What do you take me for? I couldn't eat the pigeon
It's Bob for the last time
You murdering scumbag, this is the last time you'll hear from me
You can shove the pigeon up your arse
Are you there Bob?
For Fuck's sake! This island is doing my head in.
(C) Ally Atherton 2014